Looking Around For Great Marriage Counseling Books

By Sabrina Summerfield

Everyone knows that if you drive a car, you have to change the oil on a regular basis. It seems obvious that cars need maintenance - but apparently less people realize that marriage needs maintenance too. There are lots of marriage counseling books available that will help you maintain (and enhance) your marriage. Spending a little time and money on one or several of these books can be a very wise investment. Consider how many marriages are hitting the rocks these days. In many cases, divorce might have been prevented, had the couple only put some effort into maintaining their marriage.

As far as marriage counseling books are concerned, it's not necessary to go with the latest fad. There are a number of classics that are just as valuable today as when they were first written. After all, the issues that today's marriages face are essentially the same as those faced by Adam and Eve: love, respect, finance, raising children, and so on.

One book to consider is "His Needs, Her Needs," written by Willard F. Harley, Jr. Dr. Harley is a Ph.D. psychologist who approaches marriage as a relationship designed to fulfill the differing needs of husband and wife. Unfortunately, men and women have such different needs, that they're often not even aware that they aren't satisfying their spouses. Wives may not realize the extent of their husbands' need for sex (which is number one on Dr. Harley's list of men's needs). On the other hand, men may not appreciate how much their wives need affection. Many men are awkward when it comes to showing affection, and it doesn't come natural to them. At the end of the day, Dr. Harley urges both husband and wife to be sensitive and make sacrifices to make sure that their spouses' needs are being met.

An alternative that takes a very different approach is "Getting the Love You Want". The author is Dr. Harville Hendrix, a practicing therapist, who himself went through a painful divorce. As a result of his experience, Dr. Hendrix writes with sensitivity and sincere empathy. According to Dr. Hendrix, we usually don't understand the real (unconscious) reasons that we are attracted to our mates. According to him, these reasons can be summarized as follows. First of all, we are drawn to partners whose personalities have both the pluses and minuses of those who raised us. Second, we are drawn to partners who make up for things we missed out on during our childhood. The upshot is that we often expecting our mate to be a kind of 'surrogate parent" who will do things right the second time around.

I'm not sure that I agree completely with Dr. Hendrix's theory, but he does have some interesting case histories to make his point. Like the case of John, a dull businessman (at least that's how he saw himself), who was infatuated with Cheryl because of her emotional nature. But what initially attracted John to Cheryl quickly became too much for him to handle.

In short, there are a lot of options out there, as far as marriage counseling books is concerned. But it's worth the time to look around at the different options. Marriage counseling books aren't that expensive. And don't put it off, sometimes a big problems in a marriage can be avoided if little problems are nipped in the bud - and marriage counseling books can help with this. Your marriage is worth the investment!

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