Handling Frustrations
"I'm sooo frustrated!" These words-or something perhaps even more colorful-are things we've all said at one time or another. Several times over the past few days, I said them myself-at least in my head.
We recently incorporated a new computer into our network, and it raised all kinds of havoc. An installation that should have taken only a few hours turned into a three-day exercise in aggravation and frustration.
In our recent experience, my wife and I dealt with it better than we thought we would have. We never lost our patience with one another, and we were never rude to each other or the people we worked with in resolving the problems.
As I look at what happened, I can see things that allowed us to get through the installation with no upset. Here are what I see as the key strategies we used-although not perfectly-to avoid being victims of the experience.
Emotional Bank Accounts One of the things that made our recent ordeal more bearable was that my wife and I had high balances in our respective "emotional bank accounts." When these bank balances are low, the little things can easily become big things. Little "forgotten" resentments can turn into major issues. By making daily deposits into our emotional bank accounts with people we're close to, we can avoid having unneces-sary upsets make a difficult situation hurtful.
Ask Good Questions When we get frustrated, it's easy to ask fruitless, impotent questions-questions that exacerbate the situation rather than improve upon it. Questions like, "Why did this happen to me?" "Why is life so unfair?" "Why are people so unreasonable?" are the kind of questions that keep us stuck and feeling unresourceful. We need to ask questions that move us forward. Keep asking, "What's really important?"
Stay Focused-Identify the Problem In the midst of a crisis (whether perceived or real), it's easy to lose our focus. We have to keep coming back to what the problems are and what we can do to solve them.
As the experience and drama unfolds, stay with the intended result and keep redefining the problem.
Take a Break It's important to take breaks. Don't become obsessed with the problem(s) and keep at it without any let-up. We can't be at our best when we operate non-stop without a chance to step back and gain some perspective-and rest.
Stop. Get some exercise. Take a walk. Work out. Take a nap. Watch a movie. You'll be surprised how much more resourceful you can be. In the whole scheme of things, how much difference will a few minutes (or hours) make?
Remember to breathe. As someone once said, "Inspiration is the art of breathing in."
Perspective Keep in mind that frustration is an emotional reaction. It doesn't happen "out there," it happens inside us. And we have choice about whether we indulge it.
Be aware. Notice when you're feeling frustrated. Don't judge it. Blaming ourselves or others will not work. Ninety percent of overcoming the problem is your conscious awareness that you're stressed. Ask yourself, "In three years' time, will this situation be worth being upset?" Chances are, it won't.
Laugh We stress ourselves out by taking things too seriously. Being serious doesn't mean we have to be grim. Learn to laugh at yourself as well as the situation. The things that seem upsetting now will usually be things we'll find humorous later. If we're going to laugh about it then, we might as well laugh about it now.
Get Help Going through any challenging situation is more bearable and often more fun when we experience it with a friend or team member. Ask for help. Where is it written that you need to go it alone?
What was the end result of that week's computer fiasco? Well, one of our publications was delayed two days, and it's doubtful anyone noticed. We learned a lot. And, we ended up with a better system than we'd originally planned because we exchanged the first computer for a better one.
We recently incorporated a new computer into our network, and it raised all kinds of havoc. An installation that should have taken only a few hours turned into a three-day exercise in aggravation and frustration.
In our recent experience, my wife and I dealt with it better than we thought we would have. We never lost our patience with one another, and we were never rude to each other or the people we worked with in resolving the problems.
As I look at what happened, I can see things that allowed us to get through the installation with no upset. Here are what I see as the key strategies we used-although not perfectly-to avoid being victims of the experience.
Emotional Bank Accounts One of the things that made our recent ordeal more bearable was that my wife and I had high balances in our respective "emotional bank accounts." When these bank balances are low, the little things can easily become big things. Little "forgotten" resentments can turn into major issues. By making daily deposits into our emotional bank accounts with people we're close to, we can avoid having unneces-sary upsets make a difficult situation hurtful.
Ask Good Questions When we get frustrated, it's easy to ask fruitless, impotent questions-questions that exacerbate the situation rather than improve upon it. Questions like, "Why did this happen to me?" "Why is life so unfair?" "Why are people so unreasonable?" are the kind of questions that keep us stuck and feeling unresourceful. We need to ask questions that move us forward. Keep asking, "What's really important?"
Stay Focused-Identify the Problem In the midst of a crisis (whether perceived or real), it's easy to lose our focus. We have to keep coming back to what the problems are and what we can do to solve them.
As the experience and drama unfolds, stay with the intended result and keep redefining the problem.
Take a Break It's important to take breaks. Don't become obsessed with the problem(s) and keep at it without any let-up. We can't be at our best when we operate non-stop without a chance to step back and gain some perspective-and rest.
Stop. Get some exercise. Take a walk. Work out. Take a nap. Watch a movie. You'll be surprised how much more resourceful you can be. In the whole scheme of things, how much difference will a few minutes (or hours) make?
Remember to breathe. As someone once said, "Inspiration is the art of breathing in."
Perspective Keep in mind that frustration is an emotional reaction. It doesn't happen "out there," it happens inside us. And we have choice about whether we indulge it.
Be aware. Notice when you're feeling frustrated. Don't judge it. Blaming ourselves or others will not work. Ninety percent of overcoming the problem is your conscious awareness that you're stressed. Ask yourself, "In three years' time, will this situation be worth being upset?" Chances are, it won't.
Laugh We stress ourselves out by taking things too seriously. Being serious doesn't mean we have to be grim. Learn to laugh at yourself as well as the situation. The things that seem upsetting now will usually be things we'll find humorous later. If we're going to laugh about it then, we might as well laugh about it now.
Get Help Going through any challenging situation is more bearable and often more fun when we experience it with a friend or team member. Ask for help. Where is it written that you need to go it alone?
What was the end result of that week's computer fiasco? Well, one of our publications was delayed two days, and it's doubtful anyone noticed. We learned a lot. And, we ended up with a better system than we'd originally planned because we exchanged the first computer for a better one.
About the Author:
Michael Angier is founder and CIO (Chief Inspiration Officer) of SuccessNet--a support network helping people and businesses grow and prosper. Get their free Resource Book ($27 value) of products, services and tools for running your business more effectively. And most of the over 150 resources are FREE to access and use. http://SuccessNetResources.com http://SuccessNet.org