Relationship Advice - The Pain Of Love Relationships
We all recognize and have felt the pain of not being in an intimate relationship. We feel bad, like something's missing. Yes, we're okay by ourselves, being on our own. But there is an actual physical and emotional pain sometimes that goes with not having a mate.
Then when we finally find a mate that pain goes away. We feel whole, happy, fulfilled in a deep emotional way. We are in what can be called the honeymoon phase of a relationship, the first few months when it's all wonderful. That pain of not being in a relationship has gone away.
But the honeymoon phase can't last. After a few months we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase. This period is about being in a relationship but also being separate, following our own goals and interests. We want to be with our mate still, but not ALL the time. And here some pain begins to return.
In the me/us phase, we still love our mate. But perhaps they seem to be too distant, and we might start to feel unloved. Or perhaps they seem too clingy, and we start to feel smothered. Maybe they start to show up for us like they need too much space, or they are too uncommunicative. Issues arise, small or large between us.
Then we start to worry, or feel pressured, or wonder if we made a mistake, or start to feel desperate for the honeymoon phase again. We have now entered into the pain of being in a relationship! Here's a relationship insight for you: there is pain in not being in a relationship, and there is pain in being in a relationship!
We tend to idealize relationships because of the honeymoon phase. We think we should always feel so loved and loving and at one with our mate. But that phase doesn't last. It cant last. A relationship isn't meant to be the source of all our happiness and love. There are other journeys in life we must take.
So understand this insight: there will be pain in your relationship. It might be light pain, like wondering if your mate truly loves you anymore, or it may be sharp pain, like fighting and arguing. It might be a low ache, like feeling lonely inside your relationship, or a harsh slap, like feeling rejected by your partner.
To start with, understand that pain comes with any intimate relationship. If you are feeling the pain of loneliness or the pang of worrying about your choice in mate, it's all right. No need to run. No need to go have an affair or end your relationship. Because another relationship will have pain too.
So if you can allow the pains that arise in your relationship to be okay, if you don't run or blame your mate for all the pain, then you can grow through the pain. You can mature. Because a great relationship will have some pain along with the joy.
Then when we finally find a mate that pain goes away. We feel whole, happy, fulfilled in a deep emotional way. We are in what can be called the honeymoon phase of a relationship, the first few months when it's all wonderful. That pain of not being in a relationship has gone away.
But the honeymoon phase can't last. After a few months we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase. This period is about being in a relationship but also being separate, following our own goals and interests. We want to be with our mate still, but not ALL the time. And here some pain begins to return.
In the me/us phase, we still love our mate. But perhaps they seem to be too distant, and we might start to feel unloved. Or perhaps they seem too clingy, and we start to feel smothered. Maybe they start to show up for us like they need too much space, or they are too uncommunicative. Issues arise, small or large between us.
Then we start to worry, or feel pressured, or wonder if we made a mistake, or start to feel desperate for the honeymoon phase again. We have now entered into the pain of being in a relationship! Here's a relationship insight for you: there is pain in not being in a relationship, and there is pain in being in a relationship!
We tend to idealize relationships because of the honeymoon phase. We think we should always feel so loved and loving and at one with our mate. But that phase doesn't last. It cant last. A relationship isn't meant to be the source of all our happiness and love. There are other journeys in life we must take.
So understand this insight: there will be pain in your relationship. It might be light pain, like wondering if your mate truly loves you anymore, or it may be sharp pain, like fighting and arguing. It might be a low ache, like feeling lonely inside your relationship, or a harsh slap, like feeling rejected by your partner.
To start with, understand that pain comes with any intimate relationship. If you are feeling the pain of loneliness or the pang of worrying about your choice in mate, it's all right. No need to run. No need to go have an affair or end your relationship. Because another relationship will have pain too.
So if you can allow the pains that arise in your relationship to be okay, if you don't run or blame your mate for all the pain, then you can grow through the pain. You can mature. Because a great relationship will have some pain along with the joy.
About the Author:
You can learn much more about this in the free course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School at How To Have The True Love You Want. Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship intelligence courses and you can get more here True Love Help.