What is Your Relationship with Change?
Have you ever had a child that resisted bedtime? Perhaps your child was afraid of the dark, was sensitive to every noise he heard, or simply couldn't relax himself enough to fall asleep. Well, that is our son Ian, and he has had challenges with bedtime from an early age. To help him feel comfortable at night, my husband and I would lie down with him until he fell asleep. Now we are trying to change this bedtime routine because not only is it unhealthy for Ian, it is becoming challenging for us.
My husband and I share the bedtime adventure, and last night was my night to put Ian to bed. We started with a warm bath to relax him, and normally we would read together in bed before going to sleep. But last night Ian lost that privilege because he wasnt being a good listener in the bathtub. So at 8 oclock I put him in his bed with some books, attempted to tuck him in, and gave him a kiss goodnight.
The new routine we were trying this particular night included keep the light in his room dimmed, while I sat in the middle of my bed reading in my bedroom. From the left hand side of his bed, Ian can see down the hallway into my bedroom. Ian is convinced he needs to see us to fall asleep. You're probably wondering how the new routine worked. It was not working well at all because Ian was resisting the new change with everything he had.
Filled with anxiety about this new change, Ian resisted everything I suggested to help smooth the transition for him. None of the ideas I had worked to help him fall asleep because he was not open to this change. After listening to hundreds of excuses from Ian, I was getting quite frustrated so I decided to go with the flow of his energy. When he told me for the 20th time that he couldn't fall asleep, I gave him permission to stay up all night. I said "Then keep your eyes open and don't fall asleep." Guess what? Ian resisted that idea too, and he fell asleep!
Change is inevitable. It's going to happen whether we like it or not. How we respond to change largely determines how happy and successful we are in life. Although some change may be easier to adjust to, it is still extremely important we are consciously aware of our reactions to change. To create the life you desire to live, maintaining an awareness of how you respond to change can be a great benefit.
Here are five responses to change. Do you recognize yourself in any of these?
The avoider lives in denial about change. He or she is oblivious to change that needs to take place. When change is presented, the avoider will do whatever is necessary to stay away from change. Denial is a self-protection mechanism that protects us from pain. The avoider sees change as painful, therefore believes that if the pain is ignored, it will eventually go away. It is normally a strong external circumstance or person that shakes the avoider up and propels her to change.
The resister loves excuses. Although she may understand change is necessary or even desirable, she will still fight with change. Often when I am working with mom clients around weight loss issues, I am met with a lot of resistance. Clients will explain to me why they didn't stick to their diet, exercise like they had intended, or make the necessary changes they want to make. Even with coaching and encouragement, the resister will still resist change. For the resister, there are often more perceived benefits from not making the change than following through with the change. Until those benefits are resolved, the resister will remain stuck.
Similar to the resister, the talker will talk about all the change she wants to make, but rarely backs the talk with action. Until recently, I was a talker when it came to decluttering my house. I would complain about it. I would talk about how important it was to me to simplify and live with less. I would lecture my kids and my husband, but I always found something more important to do. Talking about change is a positive step in the right direction, but without action, change will not take place. Thankfully, I have finally graduated from the talker phase and backed my talk with my walk. (You can follow my decluttering journey on my blog.)
The fizzler recognizes the change that she wants to make. She will talk through the change, and even devise a plan to take action. Filled with fire and energy, she will jump enthusiastically into her journey towards change. Then, like a sparkler, her energy begins to fizzle, and eventually she dies out and ceases action. It is common for the fizzler to start and stop with change. She vacillates between being successful with change, and giving up on change.
The embracer loves change, and wholeheartedly wraps her arms around change. She sees change as an opportunity to make life better or do things differently. The embracer loves to learn and she handles change gracefully. Even though she will acknowledge that change is not always easy, the embracer has the positive attitude to get the most out of change, the perseverance to weather the ups and downs, and a strong mental mindset that keeps her grounded and moving forward.
What is your relationship with change? How do you handle the change going on in your life, and in the world? How would developing an embracer style help you to create the change you want to see?
My husband and I share the bedtime adventure, and last night was my night to put Ian to bed. We started with a warm bath to relax him, and normally we would read together in bed before going to sleep. But last night Ian lost that privilege because he wasnt being a good listener in the bathtub. So at 8 oclock I put him in his bed with some books, attempted to tuck him in, and gave him a kiss goodnight.
The new routine we were trying this particular night included keep the light in his room dimmed, while I sat in the middle of my bed reading in my bedroom. From the left hand side of his bed, Ian can see down the hallway into my bedroom. Ian is convinced he needs to see us to fall asleep. You're probably wondering how the new routine worked. It was not working well at all because Ian was resisting the new change with everything he had.
Filled with anxiety about this new change, Ian resisted everything I suggested to help smooth the transition for him. None of the ideas I had worked to help him fall asleep because he was not open to this change. After listening to hundreds of excuses from Ian, I was getting quite frustrated so I decided to go with the flow of his energy. When he told me for the 20th time that he couldn't fall asleep, I gave him permission to stay up all night. I said "Then keep your eyes open and don't fall asleep." Guess what? Ian resisted that idea too, and he fell asleep!
Change is inevitable. It's going to happen whether we like it or not. How we respond to change largely determines how happy and successful we are in life. Although some change may be easier to adjust to, it is still extremely important we are consciously aware of our reactions to change. To create the life you desire to live, maintaining an awareness of how you respond to change can be a great benefit.
Here are five responses to change. Do you recognize yourself in any of these?
The avoider lives in denial about change. He or she is oblivious to change that needs to take place. When change is presented, the avoider will do whatever is necessary to stay away from change. Denial is a self-protection mechanism that protects us from pain. The avoider sees change as painful, therefore believes that if the pain is ignored, it will eventually go away. It is normally a strong external circumstance or person that shakes the avoider up and propels her to change.
The resister loves excuses. Although she may understand change is necessary or even desirable, she will still fight with change. Often when I am working with mom clients around weight loss issues, I am met with a lot of resistance. Clients will explain to me why they didn't stick to their diet, exercise like they had intended, or make the necessary changes they want to make. Even with coaching and encouragement, the resister will still resist change. For the resister, there are often more perceived benefits from not making the change than following through with the change. Until those benefits are resolved, the resister will remain stuck.
Similar to the resister, the talker will talk about all the change she wants to make, but rarely backs the talk with action. Until recently, I was a talker when it came to decluttering my house. I would complain about it. I would talk about how important it was to me to simplify and live with less. I would lecture my kids and my husband, but I always found something more important to do. Talking about change is a positive step in the right direction, but without action, change will not take place. Thankfully, I have finally graduated from the talker phase and backed my talk with my walk. (You can follow my decluttering journey on my blog.)
The fizzler recognizes the change that she wants to make. She will talk through the change, and even devise a plan to take action. Filled with fire and energy, she will jump enthusiastically into her journey towards change. Then, like a sparkler, her energy begins to fizzle, and eventually she dies out and ceases action. It is common for the fizzler to start and stop with change. She vacillates between being successful with change, and giving up on change.
The embracer loves change, and wholeheartedly wraps her arms around change. She sees change as an opportunity to make life better or do things differently. The embracer loves to learn and she handles change gracefully. Even though she will acknowledge that change is not always easy, the embracer has the positive attitude to get the most out of change, the perseverance to weather the ups and downs, and a strong mental mindset that keeps her grounded and moving forward.
What is your relationship with change? How do you handle the change going on in your life, and in the world? How would developing an embracer style help you to create the change you want to see?
About the Author:
Lori Radun is an certified mom coach and author of The Momnificent! Life ~ Healthy and Balanced Living for Busy Moms. To receive your free gifts "155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children" and "52 Positive Affirmations for Busy Moms" visit Momnificent or stop by her continuously updated blog.